She’d always liked her men thin.

Afternoons at the shoe shop after a long lunch in the pub were always a riot.

The soft furnishings were giving her a migraine.

Old curtains and sofa covers can easily be made into attractive underwear.

“No madam,” the shop assistant smiled. “Of course it doesn’t make your head look like a beach ball.”

If she played Stairway to Heaven one more time, he would not be responsible for his actions.

The sweater her granny had knitted for Christmas, plus Bridget Jones knickers: if that didn’t keep his hands off her, nothing would.

“Hello, pest control? There’s a bloody great spider on the dining room floor, and I’m not getting down off this table til you come and remove it.”

The Society for
the Abolition of Scary Dolls from Porn
called its members to order.

The ban on smoking in the workplace made for some interesting scenes outside the pornographer’s studio.